News Shorts from Dreamland, Tuesday Feb. 10 2004

Papers are released proving that George W. did his full time serving his country in the seventies. When asked he was quoted as saying, "Are you kidding me, I love war. I love killing. I'm gone Keel it!"

John Kerry wins VA and TN primaries by a long slide. I can't believe I'm gonna have to vote for this punk. He voted for the war, for the Patriot Act, did you hear me, FOR THE PATRIOT ACT! and he voted against civil union marriages. How can this be? Why are people voting for him? He doesn't love this country. He loves being a politician. Damnit. Lincoln was the greatest president simply because he did what was right for the country. The only reason he wanted to be re-elected was because he genuinley cared about America. If it's any consolation, Mr. Kerry, most of America would vote for Animal from the Muppets before they voted for George Bush, so don't let it go to your head.

The homemaker of our generation is going to prison (Martha Stewart) and Superman (Christopher Reeves) is in a wheel chair. What's happening?

A suicide bomber drives his van into a police station simply because they are thought of as friends of the US, close to Baghdad. Amoung the innocent civilians killed is a former college student. He was forced to drop out of college to make money for his family. Do to the lack of security almost all of the factories have closed down. There are literally no jobs available. The only possible job opportunites are in the police force. While waiting in line to apply for one of the few positions available in the region, handfuls of innocent civilains are killed, just because the police may have ties to the "United" States.

Governer Pataki has secretly left to visit Iraq. He's going to drum up support for the war and to let New Yorkers know how well things are going in the war on terror, which by the way has nothing to do with Iraq. No one reports on the interesting paradox. He leaves secretly as a measure of security. Things are going so well in Iraq that he has to leave the state without telling anyone as a measure of security.

And on television, the news is hot on the trail of an amazing story. Janet Jackson revealed her boob. JC from N'sync has his performance at the pro bowl canceled in the chance that he would... I don't know, reveal his boob. Or maybe because he might have ties to Al Quaida, it's not clear yet. Drew Barrymore will be on Letterman tonight. What if she does the same thing she did last time she was on the show? (She flashed Dave) What is the world coming to? This is huge news. Forget the other stuff, this is really important.

In other news, the technology of the toothbursh continues to advance reaching places of your mouth never thought possible. I have to get out and buy one of those right away! Also, the new Mach 4 is out. It's a shaving Razor with four, thats right FOUR blades! I never thought that was possible. Put it in my cart. I'll buy it all. Even the bit about George W. not lying. I'll buy it all.