And Now, The Conclusion of "Poopert, It's Worth It"

He emerged from the bathroom and fear struck. He shouted to my brother-in-law and myself, "Oh my God! Did you guys see this note that Emily left for me?" He bought it hook, line and sinker. He was overwhelmed. "Can you imagine the audacity of this woman, telling me not to poop here, poop at home. Look! Look at the note. It was on the toilet and it was addressed to me. Apparently it's ok for you two to poop here but not me." He was pacing back and forth in a rage that had been building up for weeks.

I suppose I should just tell him to calm down. I should tell him the note is a forgery.

Emily is expected home in a matter of hours. My plan is to find the forged note and destroy it (and wait to hear Poopert scream after a blast of cold water from the kitchen sink). When the two confront each other, they'll both think the other is completely insane and we'll get to just watch. Unfortunately, Poopert has taken the note for his wife to see. Hours go by. Emily arrives.

Emily asks Robert what he has accomplished today. He begins his usual rant of heartfelt excuses. "Well I couldn't finish the counters without the finishing nails I told you I needed, and the electrician still needs to route off these wires, plus you only gave me five hours and I didn't want to start outside if I couldn't finish it but I did clean up in here..." and on and on. She says, "so what did you do?" He says, "just give me my check, I'm out of here and I'm not coming back." And then, like a Meatloaf bat out of hell, Emily says,

"You know Robert, that note you left me in the bathroom yesterday was unnecessary. We're not children anymore and I would think you could understand how to use a toilet"
Bewildered, Poopert replies,"THE NOTE I LEFT YOU WAS UNNECESSARY!! THE NOTE I LEFT YOU!!?? THE NOTE YOU LEFT ME WAS COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR!! Just write me the check I'm out of here.

*Note- Poopert does not say the note you left me today, nor does he produce the note. He simply says the note you left me. Emily, of course is thinking of the note she left yesterday. She has no idea that she has also left a note today.

My brother-in-law and myself can hardly breathe. We are in an adjoining room, nervous that the secret will be revealed but laughing to hard to do or say anything nor are we in any position to make any coherent judgements. I have recreated the scene so that you can understand our proximity to the poop showdown.


Poopert ended up leaving absolutley bewildered by the day. The electricians played a joke on him and this crazy lady orders him to "poop at Home!" At lest the painters understand what I've been going through. He shook my hand on the way out. I asked him if he had my number, which he did, and he said he would give me a call about another job he may need some help with. The prank was masterful. I will be sure to keep you updated should we end up working with the now famous Poopert.

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