Cap'n Pete's Weekly Shin Kicking

Here is a list of people I want to kick in the shins. HARD.

Come on man! Years of fighting for progressive causes, fighting for things that are actually important for the enviroment and for the economy, and now you're throwing it all away. For years we've been pleading your case, and now this. Don't you realize you're putting it all in question. You're acting like a politician. Do it next year. Bush is the Magical Mr. Mistoffolees. You could send an urgent message to your supporters, myself included, that getting Bush out of office surpasses the importance of everything else. I have the most energy early in the day so your kick in the shins is going to be the hardest, leave a bruise and shit.

So I exhausted myself on Nader, kicking him two or three times because he wouldn't look me straight in the eye, but I've got plenty of shin kickin left in me. These lyrics energized me...
(honestly my plan was to look up that song about kicking ass in Iraq and contrast it with our goal of "Freeing the Iraqi people" but this guys songs are out of hand. You have to read a couple of these lyrics. I mean the titles alone...unreal...
The Taliban Song

"I'm just a middle-aged, middle-eastern camel herdin' man
I got a, 2 bedroom cave here in North Afghanistan
Things used to be real cool and they got out of hand when they moved in
They call themselves the Taliban
(ooooo yeah the taliban) (taliban baby)"
*TALIBAN BABY? Are you freaking kidding me? Taliban Baby?! I must hear this song.*

"So we prayed to Allah with all of our might
And then those big U.S. jets came flyin one night
They dropped little bombs all over our holy land
And man you should have seen em run like rabbits, they ran
(the taliban)"
If I were Jesus
*I swear this is for real. I couldn't make stuff this crazy up.*

If I Was Jesus, I'd have some real long hair
A robe and some sandals, is exactly what I'd wear
I'd be the guy at the party, turnin' water to wine
Yeah me and my disciples, we'd have a real good time.
I'd have some friends that were poor
I'd run around with the wrong crowd, man I'd never be bored
Then I'd heal me a blind man, get myself crucified
By politicians and preachers, who got somethin' to hide.

Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross
If I Was Jesus.

*I'd have some friends that were poor. This is what a Bush supporter looks like. All of you voting for Bush, you must feel proud to be part of this dude's posse. One more.*
The Angry American
ie. Iraqi Liberation

" Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass
It`s the American way'

*The American way is to put a boot in your ass.
Yes,
we'll bomb your third world nation,
and kill your civilians,
take your oil,
and we'll all make millions,
we'll put on cowboy hats,
and hate blacks and gays,
we'll fight kill fight,
cause it's the american way.
Maybe I have a new career.
May the shin kicking proceed.

While I'm on the racist feminist topic I might as well kick old Papa in the shins. Nader told me to kick him twice for killing animals, so I'm going to, but I'm gonna kick him one more time for refusing to look me straight in the eye.

This should go without saying. I do a good impression of Jared saying in his all in one word way, "Subwayhas alotofother great tastingsubsyoucan tryto."

As if that damn survivor song wasn't enough, (which by the way, if you want to be funny, sing lyrics that you make up as you go along to the rythym of this song and it will be funny I promise) Destiny's Child has just teamed up with McDonald's. I heard Destiny's Child sing badap ba bop bahh, I'm loving it! in three part harmony tonight and I almost threw my Another Bad Creation CD at the television. PS. Who is the genius poet behind those catchy poems McDonalds has released?
The concert just got out... which concert butthead? I'ma contriver, I'm una fake, I'm a contrivor, keep contrivin concert? Wow, rock on.


If you have suggestions for next week's shin kicking please feel free to leave them in my comment box or email them to me.