Synonym Finder

I've been filling out grad school applications for the past couple of days. This is difficult stuff. I think you should be granted acceptance based solely on your ability to finish the application. Each application has like twelve parts, letters of recommendation being the most difficult part. I really hate tracking down old professors and asking them to write on my behalf. Then you have to get slides of all of your work and arrange them in a way that is sequential, bearing in mind that you are creating a mini movie that will be projected onto the walls of an intimidating room filled with professors and artist who specialize in criticism. God forbid your slide list does not match the order of slides. I start with early paintings that hopefully show an understanding of design and application. I throw in a work on paper to keep them guessing. Then a side portrait of my wife that is powerful, but simple. This is followed by one of my stronger paintings another simple one and then a weak one followed by a diptych of side profiles that are conceptually and aesthetically strong. I arrange them similar to a moving lecture or sermon. Grab the congregation’s attention, drop some theory on their ass, make a joke, get serious and then finish them off. So far, I think I've been delivering Catholic ceremonies, leaving them bored and hungry for the next applicant. There are no nude paintings in my portfolio so I have to make amends.

I have to write a separate statement for each school. It's tough to convey a willingness to learn without sounding insecure or lost. I have to balance heartfelt words with big sounding synonyms that make me sound smart. My selections are usually
effete, namby pamby, vacillating...and probably obvious for that matter.

Add on requests for transcripts from three different schools, a resume that is carefully worded to make me look ambitious (action words are key), and a crisp new slide sheet that does not have the same effect as those clear Mylar sheets that I used to cover my book reports in elementary school in that I thought would guarantee me a better grade, and a $50 application fee. I mean come on, isn't this good enough. All its gotten me so far is a collection of rejection letters that hang proudly from my refrigerator. I hope to some day send them back to the schools to show them what a horrible mistake they made by passing me by. Some day. Some day. They'll regret it...probably, or practicably.

*UPDATE* This post by egg wash is really great. It shows a complete disregard for artists like Mel Chin who are successfully using Art as a vehicle for change but none the less, it is worth reading.