Tsunami (Updated)

When my mother was diagnosed with Leukemia, I wished it were me. Not to be heroic, not to be valiant, simply because it was going to be tough to beat. I was young and healthy and strong and I felt that if Leukemia was going to invade someone in our family, why not me. I would probably have a better chance of beating it, or at least surviving it. My mother did not.

I cannot understand. I ask God. I can't.

It seems human, and this is no excuse, to ask why anyway. Wouldn't we be the stronger body? Wouldn't we have a better chance of surviving this? I'm not wishing for tragedy, I'm just thinking we are more capable to react to this type of disaster. Why wasn't it America? Why, when we acted out our first act of genocide in a long list of genocides, killing 500,000 Arawak Indians so that we could begin our reign of domination over the world, why wasn't it right where this disaster happened? After all, it is America that has lost its respect for the environment. It is America that flaunts its abusive power over all things human to countries with nothing. We display our military might by slaughtering children and people in third world nations (to take our oil that is in their land), and then we boast of our military prowess. We are untouchable. We abuse the environment because we own it. We control it. We dominate it, because we can buy it.

My mother neither smoked nor drank. She ate well, didn't excercise enough, but was in good overall shape. People were always confusing my Mom and my girlfriend. She was happy most of the time and had one of the biggest most beautiful smiles you'll ever see. She gave great advice, including disclaimers on my freedom of listening to it or not. So when the news came that she had been going to the hospital to get some tests done, it was a shock. "What the hell for," we thought.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have to ask Mr. Bush for money. No one in the world looks to George Bush for kindness and benevolence, save for a delusional 51% of this country. While that 51% comfortably watches this disaster on flat screen TV's, the rest of the world knows to fear George Bush. So when Mr. Bush offered up his condolences and $15 million in relief, was any one really surprised? No. We were too busy playing with our Christmas toys. Of course it was a misunderstanding. There must have been some confusion, or maybe a distraction on the ranch where Bush continued to vacation. They thought he said $15 million, but what he meant to say was $30 million...and...ah...and...ah and that's only the beginning, yeah and ah, I'm gonna look at all of the options, we're not stingy. Meanwhile the death toll rises to 70,000 people. That's almost SIXTEEN World Trade Centers! SIXTEEN! $15 million dollars? What's sad about our president? No one, maybe not even the 51%, thought for one second that Bush would do the right thing. No one hoped that they could be proud of their President for acting quickly and generously to the adulation of the world. No one thought that Bush would receive acclaim for his kindness. Not even on Christmas. NO ONE.

So were'nt we kind of smoking cigarettes a lot on September 11th. When we phoned other countries and said we had been attacked, did they say, "What the hell for?" No. By no means were we of good health. We created Osama Bin Laden with US dollars. This was no surprise. Arundhati Roy wrote
"It's absurd for the US government to even toy with the notion that it can stamp out terrorism with more violence and oppression. Terrorism is the symptom, not the disease."

I'm just afraid that because a disaster like this happens in another country, we think we're right. we think we're living healthy. If it didn't happen to us, then God must be happy with the job we're doing. The rest of the world would feel differently. They might even feel a sense of justice had this happened to America, but when Indonesia is one of the hardest places hit, there is no sense of justice. The world knows what we do to deserve it better than we do.

I do not mean to write a post about what the Holiday season is all about; it just feels like we've lost touch. That feeling builds and when something like this happens it only magnifies this sense of self-righteousness that we've become accustomed to.

I had no choice when my mother died, but to accept it. To move on trusting that this happened to me, to my brothers, to my father, and to my grandmother for a reason. That reason is not for me to understand, or even ask about. I wouldn't understand. Hopefully something wonderful will happen in the effected countries. I'm sure Tsunami has implications that are far reaching, that are beyond understanding. I can't see what has happend there, but I do wonder if there was a rainbow.