6.29.2005

It Goes Fast

There are some new pictures of Harper at Bienkobaby.blogspot for those interested.

FREEDOM TOWER

I was thinking tonight that I should do maybe two hundred paintings of really mundane things. Like a toothbrush, a fan, a condom, a cloud and a tree. The titles of each painting would be...
Freedom Toothbrush
Freedom Fan
Freedom Condom
Freedom Cloud
Freedom Tree
The troops in Iraq are fighting for our "freedom," but the word has been tossed around so much by Bush that it doesn't really mean much any more. Maybe I could launch an entire new line of weaponry. Freedom Bullets and Freedom Missiles. What a bunch of crap.

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Silly Johnny! Silly Johnny!

I finally found it again--the best "This American Life" episode I've ever heard. Listen to it here. It's Act 1, which starts at about 4:45. If you're in a hurry, the best part is at 13:00. "You wouldn't even be a steward of Gondor."

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6.28.2005

Boogie woogie, woogie But you know it's there, Yeah here there everywhere


I've been gone for a while. Last week before we took off for Athens and Florida, my Mother in-law threw Harper a Baby Shower. I don't think any of my Mother in-law's sisters wish to be called "Aunt." I like them for this. Even if they wanted to be called Aunt, it'd still probably be cool. We asked for books from them because we really have more than we need as far a baby supplies go, plus we thought that if any crowd could find us some good books, it would be that crowd. We didn't have to warn them that we already have three copies of Goodnight Moon. They knew already.

We rented a Chevy Cavalier for our trip. When my wife went to pick up the small car they apologized for being out of them and asked if a new Dodge Caravan would fit the bill. No one thinks minivans are cool until they spend a week in one. I'm sold. Air conditioning, cruise control, sliding doors on both sides and that cool back seat thing. It was rad with a baby.

Athens was nice. Jodie Green was right. Georgia is the place old gas stations go to die (although she was completely wrong about Beauty and Concept). The temperature on the thermometer read 98 degrees outside. We found an apartment and I was able to check out the grad students art work. I was impressed. I liked a lot of it.

We left Athens in the afternoon and thought if Harper kept being a stud in the car we could probably make it to FLorida that night. There is a road in Georgia named Route 1. If you have a child who might be fussy and sunset is near, DO NOT drive on Route 1. There is no shoulder, there are no exits, there are no lights. It was terrifying. My son screamed until his face turned purple, until he had no more breathe to scream and needed to reload to let another screech go and there was nothing we could do. I couldn't pull off the road. There was no shoulder and the weeds grew up past the minivan. Minivans are cool. It was horrible. There weren't even signs that said next exit 40 miles. There was nothing.

Eventually we made it to a motel got something to eat and calmed Harper down. He slept for an uncanny amount of time after Route 1.

After Athens we headed to Florida for a wedding. It was an impressive wedding. Everything seemed huge. I refused to have Electric Slide played at my wedding. We had a cool blues-ish band play. He played the guitar upside down since birth because he was left handed. Anyway, I don't want my wedding to confuse my true feelings about the Electric Slide. I need the Electric Slide. I patiently wait for it at every wedding I attend. I spin and jump and do it all backwards so that I'm facing the people behind me during the little dippy-do part. "It's Electric."

We headed for home the morning after the wedding. The trip was fantastic. It was so good to be home. It is mind boggling to me how all of this stuff we own is going to fit into our new apartment. It's funny how the summers in Georgia rival the winters in New York. I mean you can go outside, you'll survive. Getting in a microwave like car isn't much different from getting into a Freezer like car. Of course your hands don't feel like you accidently spent an hour smashing them with a hammer in Georgia. That is a distinct feeling that only happens in New York. My wife and I continue to say with over dramatic zest, "Oh Man, I HATE all of this HEAT," everytime the thermometer breaks 70. It's really funny to see how many people immediately warn you, "Oh, If you think this is bad, wait until you get to Georgia. It's REALLY hot there." It never fails. Someone is always ready to share the secret news they saw on the national weather channel that it gets hot in the South.

You are free to stop reading whenever you choose. Harper is asleep and I don't get that many opportunities to blog these days so this will be a bit of an epic post. I can not speak for its flow. It may occasionally switch beats.

I don't know who would be best to tackle this but I think I have an excellent idea for a thesis project in I don't know what field. I think someone should do a thorough comparison of the 911 Commission Report and the Bible. Both are speaking of presumably non-fiction events, but they're told with a fiction taste. Both are trying to accurately illustrate events that have significant relevance. I'd do it but I think the 911 Commission Report is 17,000 pages long. All of that Condi begot Colin. Colin begot Clinton, Clinton forgot Sudan, its' just too long. If someone does this comparison let me know. I'd love to read it.

I'm reading this book about an artist named Maurizio Cattelan. He's a really great artist. I'm learning some important things from him. I have a bunch of one liner art ideas. For instance, you know those hammer games where a wood chuck pops out and you have to hit the wood chuck. I thought it would be funny to make the hammer the United States and the wood chucks countries where democracy tries to peek its ugly face and as soon as the country tries to become a democracy the Freedom Hammer of the United States could smash it back down into the hole.

This Cattelan guy takes very small one liner ideas and turns them into big ideas that take up an entire gallery space. For instance, he sold the space that was allotted to him in a show to a perfume company. They advertised their perfume in his space. This is an incisive commentary on the commercialization of the artworld. For a blockbuster Picasso show at, I think it was the Met, Cattelan made a large comical Picasso mask that looked a bit like a disney characters costume. This Picasso guy ran around and took pictures with people and posed in artsy poses giving the gallery a theme park feel. It's really just a one liner, but it's made huge.

I'll return to this later because I really want to discuss Beauty and Concept, but Harper's crying so off I go.

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6.27.2005

Twenty Days

Check this out. It's from the Wooster Collective site in my side bar. The yellowish sheets are a graffiti project. Drag your mouse on the picture.

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TAKE ME TO CONEY ISLAND